Moving On
by sylvieforaday
Summary: Duo is trying to find his place in his own world without his crutch - Heero Yuy.
1. Chapter 1

Two months, and he felt like a stranger in his own apartment. It had that faintly stale smell of an unoccupied space. The air conditioner whined as it turned back on, waking-up. Duo's fridge was just as bare as he had left it. The only thing he filled it with was the six pack he'd picked up on his way back from the airport. Drinking alone, had a certain hermit flare that was appealing to him. Especially after his first mission under the careful watch of his new boss-man.

What he should have done, was head straight back to the office to debrief with said boss-man, none other than Chang Wufei. Wufei had left him with implicit instructions to connect with him when his plane landed. He was keenly aware that Duo Maxwell followed instructions about as well as any L2 hood rat. Wufei, however, was rigorously disciplined, but he hadn't laid out the law to him yet. After ignoring his instructions, Duo was very aware that he'd been asked into Wufei's office and asked to sit down. He'd pinch his brow, in mock exasperation. Duo would slouch in the pretentious leather chair across from him with his legs disrespectfully wide. With a heavy sigh, Wufei would ask him "Why?", he would shrug and he'd get reprimanded or written up and asked to leave. The end.

They hadn't seen eachother since the war ended, and suddenly this basically stranger was the man he directly reported to. Noin and he had a distinct understanding. He did what he wanted, and didn't make her look bad. She had the absolute audacity to get promoted. It never got under Duo's skin that he would never be promoted to a a safer, desk position, because he was a liability. Plain and simple. Last year, he had spent three weeks in an inpatient psychiatric facility following Heero's death. He hadn't been his only lover, but he'd been his first. Even if Heero was a terrible roommate and an emotional cripple, he'd been a fucking amazing partner and he'd kept the bed warm. Now, sitting alone in their apartment, there was nothing to even remind him that Heero once lived here. His therapist had told him to move. It would be easier for wounds to heal if he took himself away from the triggers. It had really been the opposite. He couldn't handle any more change, and staying had been a grounding force.

 _ **It should have been a bullet.**_

That's what he had said when he sat next to Heero, IV's in his arm, cannula under his nose and his hideously bald head. Heero had chuckled. It was the last chuckle he ever heard. That bastard gave him power of attorney. He didn't even know about it until he'd been in a coma for two weeks and they had declared him brain dead.

Duo had pulled the plug twelve hours after they told him there was no hope. He had been in so much pain, and he was selfish. The last kind thing he could do, was hold Heero's hands while the respirator stopped pumping and the nurse had turned off all of the beeping equipment taking exact measurements of his vitals.

It wasn't the loneliness that got to him. It was the existential crisis he'd had. Without Heero he didn't know how to work at Preventers or how to function in the structure. They were supposed to be gods. Indestructible. Invincible. How was he supposed to navigate being human? How would he face twenty-seven years of damaged goods that he had under his belt? No one else would want him.

It didn't take ESP to know that it was Wufei calling him repeatedly. Finally, on the third series of rings he picked up. Cranky was an understatement.

"What?" He practically hissed into the speaker. Closing his eyes he collected the toiled feeling inside of his stomach.

"Maxwell, are you coming or am I coming to you?" The cool, calmness in Wufei's voice had him pausing his irritation.

"Are you giving me options?" Toying with him, there was almost a smirk on his face. Perhaps, Wufei was more grounded than he had been when they were still teenagers. They couldn't even legally have a drink then.

There was a chuckle in Duo's ear before he answered. "I'll come by your place. It sounds like you're home, yes?"

"Yeah, I'm home. I just got here. Kinda just went on autopilot. I'm seriously jet-lagged from flipping time zones."

"Will you send me your address then? I'll make this short and sweet and then you can sleep the day away."

When the downstair's gate buzzed in his apartment, he didn't even bother to ask who was there, he just let Wufei in. All of the abysmal hot water in his apartment had been used to wash his heavy mane of hair. Even if it wasn't near as long as when Heero had still been alive, it was still thick and hung just below his shoulders. At least he was decent enough to put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. The last thing he needed to do was blind the man with his nudity. Even though, if he was wildly inappropriate he might get out of this little meeting.

There wasn't time, for a better plan. Wufei creaked the front door open after knocking rhythmically.

"Come in." Finger combing his hair, Duo threw the wet towel into the wicker hamper before making his way back to the living room. "Hey." It was probably a little too informal to be addressing his boss that way, but they were on his turf after all.

"How you holding up?" There was a softness to Wufei's voice that he hadn't remembered, but Duo should have been used to it. Everyone, aside from Noin, had treated him like a pariah since Heero's death. He was untouchable now.

"Nothing a hot shower won't cure." Making his way to the kitchen, he tried not to observe the way Wufei looked back at him. They were clearly older. Wufei's hair was longer and pulled back into a messy bun. Not a look he would have ever imagined on the man. It was obvious he hadn't been at the office when he'd called, he was in black jeans and a wrinkled light denim shirt cuffed at the elbows. Tortoise shell glasses made him look scholarly, hiding the intense warrior stare he usually sported.

Was that a smile? Duo couldn't help, but smirk back. He grabbed two beers from the fridge and didn't even ask as he opened two. What the hell.

Wufei didn't say anything about it, he took the glass bottle and a sip as if they were about to have a poker night.

"It's good to see you again Duo."

 _Duo._ Not Maxwell. It felt a little chummy. "When did you turn so soft?" Half of him expected a snide response, the other half physical blow.

"Since I got divorced." That had his ears turning up. Duo knew that he had been married Meilan, but it wasn't a partnership out of love. Instead of the scowl he had expected, Wufei was smiling warmly back at him taking another ginger sip. Duo merely nodded in return, not wanting to push, because frankly he didn't want to be pushed back.

"Let me send you my reports and interviews from Paris." Duo moved to get up, but Wufei stopped him with a single look. Dark eyes looked at him as he took off his glasses placing the arm between his teeth.

"What?"

Like Wufei didn't know what he was doing.

"Are you flirting with me?" Placing his hands on his hips, Duo felt flattered but also kind of sleezy. Coming over to his house, drinking his beer and smirking at him like he was just going to take off his clothes for him.

"I was thinking about it. Should I stop now, before I embarrass myself?"

Usually, he would have had something suggestive and gotten Wufei to man handle him into the bedroom. It was a problem, that his therapist had made abundantly clear was not good for his mental health. Something about sexual assault survivors either being abstinent or promiscuous and he was certainly the later. There was no denying that he used sex to handle most of the emotions that were raw, right on the edge of his nerve endings. Heero did nothing, but facilitate that. Fuck, he missed that about Heero. Missed that he made him feel alive and didn't mind the baggage and his difficult demeanor. Perhaps, promiscuous was a bit generous. Considering that fellow officers joked that he was part of the rookie initiation. He'd long foregone keeping track of the many lovers he'd fallen into bed with. Heero never got jealous, had even watched a few times. Their eyes had never dropped from each other's gaze. It was a self-destructive game. Under his therapist's guidance he'd been celibate for almost a year. A painful eight months, one week, six days and fifteen hours. He was practically licking his lips, which also made him feel like a sexaholic. Was it so wrong to just want to feel skin against skin? Mouth and teeth invading him? What it boiled down to was longing.

"Why don't you ask me out for dinner, like a classy man 'Fei?"

"Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?" There was no waver in his gaze, as Duo challenged him with his eyes. He still held his glasses away from him, as if he were letting his shield down.

"Is that an order boss?" He took a deep gulp before crossing his arms over his chest.

"If you promise not to send me to HR."

Well dinner it would be.


	2. Chapter 2

Three dates Duo had cancelled. They had never made it to dinner, to drinks or to afternoon coffee. Suddenly, he couldn't do paperwork at his desk. It would be so much harder to explain his flighty demeanor in person. With Wufei three offices away, it was easier to just not be in his.

The excuse of afternoon coffee down the street, was Duo's ultimate demise. Waiting in line, he was drifting off into his thoughts when warm fingertips pressed into his shoulder. It hadn't occurred to him, that Wufei had outpaced him in the height department until he was looming over him.

"Hey, let me buy you a cup." As fast as the physical contact was made, it was fleeting. Wufei's hand dropped back innocently by his side as Duo was too late in reacting to protest.

"Uhh, sure. I guess." Nervously, Duo slipped his hands back in his coat. Afraid suddenly, that Wufei might want to make contact with them.

"Does this count as our first date?" Cheekily, Wufei raised a perfectly manicured black eyebrow at him.

Nervously, Duo chuckled removing a hand to scratch the back of his neck. "I _really_ should get back to the office." It was a weak excuse, especially with his boss. Who knew exactly what he was working on.

"I know you're avoiding me. No pressure here Duo, if you want me to back off I will. You don't have to make lame excuses to not run into me." Still, he took the upperhand and paid for coffee, which didn't help to alleviate Duo's flight instinct. Whatever happened to cocky seductive Duo? Now, he was avoiding an attractive man because what, he was a fellow gundam pilot and knew him too well? It certainly wasn't the case, Wufei hardly knew him. It wasn't as if they had actually kept in touch.

"No, I'm sorry. Let's have coffee, maybe if we survive we can grab that dinner after work." It appeared suddenly, that Duo's _very_ busy schedule had opened wide up.

"Do you remember when we stayed at that shitty hotel in Belfast?"

"Yeah, it was like the only seventy two hours we spent together alone during the war." Scrupulously Duo stirred the cream into the black brew with the plastic stick before placing it between his teeth to chew nervously.

"Don't judge me, but I saw you naked while we were there." Before, Wufei could finish Duo was scoffing as if what he had said was pedestrian.

"'Fei, we've all seen each other naked. We barely had anything worth looking at then." Wufei wasn't aware if Duo was purposefully being dense, or if he was just nervous. He could feel Duo's leg bounce against his under the table, combined with the plastic he was mauling, it was an impressive display of nervous ticks.

"That's not what I meant and I think you know that. I watched you take a shower like a voyeur." The leg stilled, but now he had resorted to taking the ring on his index finger off and spinning it around the first knuckle.

"You sure know how to make a girl blush." Licking his teeth, Duo averted his eyes, smoothing loose hair away from his face. " I hate to break it to you, but I don't quite have the same physique I had a decade ago." There was a forced smirk on his lips as he finally dropped the stirrer and took a sip of his coffee.

"Well, I was kind of hoping that you still didn't look like a gangly teenager under all of that." Gesturing up and down at him Wufei chuckled.

"Are you asking to take a look?" That was the boldness that Wufei had expected straight out of the gate. "'Cause I usually charge guys to watch me take a shower these days." The smirk on Duo's full freckled lips was enough to make him want to throw him down on the cafe table. The Duo aesthetic had evolved slightly, as an adult. He never wore a uniform. Wufei was _very_ aware that Noin let him get away with anything he damn well pleased. Duo was a good agent, there was no denying that. He was wearing a leather jacket that was a little too big in the shoulders, but his arms were so long it rode up above his wrists. His hair though shorter, was wavy and messy, in a perpetual state of 'just fucked'. There were plenty of rumors that it was true. He'd heard all the rumors of the 'welcome home' ritual Heero received on Duo's desk. In Duo's office, where the door didn't lock and the walls were paper thin, and Duo was not a quiet man. At sixteen he'd hardly had any body hair, but now he could see the golden flecked hairs on the back of his hands and a bit peaking out on his forearms. "You taking inventory Chang?" Duo snapped at him, which was rude, but somehow expected from the fellow ex-pilot.

"Sorry, yes I was. I was just thinking about how much has changed since then, and how much hasn't" There was a tender smile on Wufei's lips, slightly reddened and chapped by the blustery weather, and it made Duo drop the act a little.

"It's still weird that Heero's not around." Neither of them had expected the subject to come up and Wufei was looking up at him hesitantly, waiting for Duo to self-destruct this situation. "The rumors are true by the way. If you're trying to get involved with me. I went through a pretty impressive slutty phase when Heero got sick." There wasn't much shame in Duo's expression, but he tucked hair behind his ear that gave it away.

"I don't care Maxwell. You should probably not fuck at work, as your boss I have to say that, but as long as I don't hear any complaints, it's not my business." It was a safe answer, and Duo knew it. He rolled his eyes as if it were typical. He'd done a great job of making the already skittish deer even more evasive.

"This probably wasn't a good idea." Scooting the chair back, there was a horrible scraping of metal and cheap fake wood flooring. Before he could stand, Wufei grabbed his wrist.

"Come on Duo. Don't walk away. I'm sorry you're right that was a shit answer." Taking his wrist back, Duo slouched in his chair and crossed his arms around his thin waist. There was a time when Duo would have joked and smiled crassly, but now he looked waifish like he was sinking into himself. He could see the crest of his hip bones showing through his t-shirt. "I'm really sorry about Heero, and more sorry that you didn't have anyone here to support you while he was sick."

"I did, and I asked him to leave." That had Wufei leaning across the table. "Zechs, or Milliardo, whatever, he and I were starting something. Heero and I had our up and downs, but he didn't want to be my partner, he wanted to be my friend with benefits. Zechs asked me to come to Mars with him, be with him, ya know?" That surprised Wufei, the two didn't seem like an obvious match, but he did offer Duo emotional security and reliability that Heero never could. "Heero wasn't going to tell me he was sick, he was just going to let me leave." Sniffling a little he forced unbridled tears back down deep into his guts. "I found his medical bills, and I nearly killed the motherfucker before the cancer got him." Scooching back forward against the table again to lean onto his forearms he finished dismissively. "Anyway, I told Zechs to buzz off and the rest is history."

"Are you telling me all of this to let me know you're damaged and you're trying to let me off the hook?"

Busted.

"Look, I'm just warning you that I'm kind of like dating a tornado. Exciting at first, until you realize you're life is ruined. Not the kind of guy you ask to stay over and eat breakfast in bed and drink mimosas, and blah, blah."

"That sounds really nice. Can you make french toast?" Without a beat Duo, hadn't really caught onto the game he was playing.

"Yeah, I used to make it for Zechs sometimes. Wait, wait it doesn't matter. It's the tornado part you were supposed to be paying attention to." Visibility, Duo distanced himself, sitting further back into his chair like he was caught in a corner.

"What are you doing Friday?"

"I've got to work late, and you know that." There was enough irritation in Duo's tone, that he could have probably cut diamonds with the twitching muscles in his neck.

"I know. Come over after work and we can work on breakfast in bed Saturday."


	3. Chapter 3

Breakfast in bed didn't happen on Saturday, in fact Duo hadn't seen Wufei in weeks. He'd been pulled out to deal with a royal fuck up in New York. It gave Duo the false sense of security of being able to work freely in his office. It felt more like it did when he was still working for Noin. No one bothered him, and no one knocked on his door. It wasn't in his personality spectrum to usually be gun shy, but he was listening to music loudly over headphones with the door closed when suddenly the dark haired man was sitting square on the edge of his desk.

"Holy motherfucking -" Duo screamed dropping the ear buds with a heavy thump onto the dense plastic of the desk. "You scared the shit out of me Chang. I didn't know you were back."

It irritated him more that Wufei was laughing at him knowing full well that the surprise would be unwarranted. It wasn't shocking that Duo didn't really like surprises. He'd long forgone that childish disposition he'd had before the war. A lot of horrible things and a lingering nicotine habit had made him jaded.

"Sorry, Duo I knocked and you didn't answer." Sliding off the desk, Wufei's hip brushed his shoulder as he moved to sit across from him with the cheap chair in the corner of the office. It was sadly probably the most physical contact he'd had in the last eight months of his celibacy. "Do you want to grab a drink? I could really use one after my flight." He hadn't expected Wufei to look so tired and casual. He was slouching into the back of the chair and pinching his brow with his glasses sitting on the edge of Duo's desk.

"Yeah, let's get a drink." Duo's heart was still racing, but he swallowed it back down before he talked himself out of going for a drink with an old war buddy. Not on a date, date. Just a casual outing with a friend.

It was a small bar that Duo hadn't been to. It looked like the kind of place that only regulars knew about, and only regulars would put up with the shitty cheap liquor and rodeo cold beer. His eyes darted between all of the hunched up figures on the bar before Wufei's tense hand on his waist forced him to relax. He didn't fully submit keeping his hands loose in the deep pockets of his jacket. Finding comfort in the soft flannel lining.

"What can I get you Chang." The gruff bearded bartender, asked as Wufei calmly leaned on the bar. Without hesitation he held up two fingers and the burly man went to grab a bottle of cheap tequila and two dusty shot glasses. Duo wasn't really all that obsessed with germs, but he was surprised Wufei didn't seem to mind. Apparently, in their long hiatus Wufei had not only loosened up, but learned to drink straight tequila and drink said tequila in shady dirty bars.

"What did Preventers do to you Chang? Who are you and what have you done with Wufei." Duo pulled a hand from the wool coat to take his shot and winced as the burning liquor scorched the inside of his mouth and throat.

Wufei cackled as he swallowed the amber sludge and didn't even wince as Duo watched it glide down the narrow throat. "You don't know me very well now and you didn't know me very well then either." Even if he was laughing, there was still a dangerous look of intensity in those dark eyes boring back at him. It made Duo cringe internally and insecurely. All of this cat and mouse was making him resentful. He didn't want to play games and he didn't want to guess who was standing before him. Chang was right, they didn't know each other, which only made him distrustful. It was so much easier when Heero was there, or even when Zechs was there. Being alone had never felt so lonely. Now Wufei just felt like one more man who wanted to take something for him. Tally up a score. A score he wasn't interested in settling up.

"Thanks for the drink, but I should finish up my paperwork and head home." There was a curtness in Duo's voice. A tone that let him know that he was taking his ball and going home.

"Come on Duo, don't be like that. Heero's not here to strong arm you into a better mood. What has Preventers done to you?" There was levity in Wufei's voice, even if the harshness of the content made Duo cringe a little. He pulled away creating more distance between them, but he was surprised that hearing Heero's name hadn't upset him. In fact, the opposite were true. He remembered all of the times he had panic attacks or almost beat the shit out of somebody for touching him a little too friendly at bars and Heero was there making him breathe. Duo liked to be in control, and Wufei was another alpha trying to control him. It was distasteful in his opinion.

"What hasn't Preventers done to me? They've given me a job, money, an over priced shrink what more could a girl dream of?" Even through the sarcasm there was a hint of truth to Duo's statement. Even if it wasn't what he dreamed of. Even if he missed the freedom of space. He'd always belong there. He felt like he was really just impersonating a Terran rather than actually being one. "You know Heero left me so much money I'm almost as rich as Quatre. So I guess I can attribute that to the boys upstairs too." It was going to be wasted on him. He wasn't going to quit his job or buy a mansion. He would stay the same, and pretend like his life hadn't become mundane and unpleasant. Wufei looked back at him recognizing the same jaded feelings and reached out for him squeezing just above Duo's elbow. It was a peace offering of a gesture.

Two drink later and he was walking beside Wufei, letting their shoulders brush. He let Wufei pretend that he wasn't shorter than him and rest his hand on his back. Running a hand down the messy plait that ended there. It had been so long since anyone had touched his hair. He'd forgotten that human contact was even necessary. That feeling of longing crept back in again. Like a good friend that returns home years later as a stranger.

Wufei's apartment was exactly what he'd expected it to look like. Books were stacked neatly in several bookshelves. One was sitting on the coffee table with a receipt as a bookmark. It was perhaps old fashion to still have paper books, but they had survived and they were here in Wufei's apartment. Books were one of those things that elitists used as props in their homes to look chicly vintage. Not Wufei. No, Duo had no impression that these book were mere statues. He was sure they had all been devoured at least once.

"Do you want something to drink? I have a bottle of wine." Duo didn't draw his eyes away from scanning the livingroom to respond.

"Yeah, a glass of wine would be nice." That's what he really needed right now. To take the edge off, before he lost his nerves. The wool jacket he'd clung to at the bar for life support, he slipped out of and let it rest limply across the arm of the corduroy couch. It was soft and inviting, so he let it envelope him. How did he used to do this, before? Oh, right he wasn't usually this classy - his clothes would have already been long forgotten on the livingroom floor. Instead, he crossed his legs at a fake mockery of modesty. When he looked up at Wufei, setting the glass of wine into his open palm he tried not to let the vulnerability and unsureness show, but it was too late. Wufei was already easing up his predatory glance, replacing it for something softer, but not quite pity. "We can just fuck and get it over with." There was no point in beating around the proverbial bush. Wufei wanted to fuck him, and he wouldn't mind being fucked. It was the logical next step.

"If that's what you want." How accommodating. Wufei's eyes focused casually on him taking a sip of wine like he was impenetrable. Before he lost his nerve he stripped out of his shirt not bothering to be insecure that the thin fabric hung up on his hair. It was a less than graceful strip tease. It really didn't matter. Wufei's eyes were focused on the exposed skin, whether it was disappointment or surprise Duo couldn't bring himself to try and decipher. He straddled his lap taking the glass of wine from him to join his own on the sleek low coffee table.

"Just let me do all of the work." It would be easier to keep himself from really focussing on what was happening if Wufei didn't try and show off with him. He just wanted it the way he wanted it. Nothing fancy.

"Let's go to my bedroom." Even that sounded too romantic. It would be much easier to just leave afterwards after, when he had rug burn from the corduroy on his knees. To expedite the whole encounter he let Wufei lead him to the bedroom. It surprised him that the bed spread was a deep maroon and it looked almost personal. Duo had never really taken the time to make his and Heero's apartment personal. It was minimal to say the least. The room was rich and the furniture was dark and modern. There was even a few prints on the walls in matching frames. Wufei made use of his wandering eyes to step behind him. He was so careful, he didn't notice that he'd untied his hair and he ran his fingers through the triad of strands until it was falling around his face. Turning around before he could feel the man's arms around him he ripped open Wufei's white shirt, wrinkled from the plane ride. There were probably buttons barely clinging on for their lives, but he didn't care. It was just discarded on the floor.

"Where is your lube?" It was barely a hot whisper as it grazed Wufei's face. Duo closed in on him pushing him to sit on the mattress. Duo tried not to notice the obvious way Wufei was analyzing his every move, as if he were digging for some ulterior motive. He held Duo by the small of his back, unwilling to let the contact of his groin against him waver, only long enough to rummage through the night stand for the bottle of clear liquid. Duo took it from his hand with a little bit of a fight as he unzipped his jeans with his other hand. In one quick motion he was naked and bare before Wufei. He leaned over Wufei breathing heavily onto his face as he worked, impatiently, two fingers inside of himself. Every moment of the eight month was felt as bit his chapped lips to swallow the groan of discomfort. He didn't want Wufei to finger him and risk him going too far. He didn't want to lose the pain of entry. There was no point to Duo to worry about condoms. He was clean. He knew Wufei was clean. They had so much genetic modifications under their belt it really didn't matter. At this point Duo was a walking model of self-destruction so what was one more unprotected tryst? Wufei was good and let him take control. He only watched him intently, but without judgement. As Duo unzipped Wufei's slacks he was regretting not stretching himself more pulling his erection out just enough to mount him. He spread his knees until he was firmly pressed against him. Hands buried into Wufei's hair grinding against him, just as a teasing demonstration of what he desired. Impatience and teasing wearing him thin, Wufei guided himself inside with a constant gentle pressure when Duo was almost too tight.

"You're so tight." Chilled fingers, traced down Duo's spine and he could feel him reaching for permission to touch him. Put his fingers inside of him and prep him like any good lover would.

"Just pull my hair and fuck me." It wasn't begging in the least. It was a command that Duo whispered right into the shell of Wufei's ear. He didn't need a lover. He needed a distraction from the pain in his chest. A scratch he couldn't quite itch. With a grunt Wufei pushed a little harder until Duo's body yielded. The pulling of his hair covered up the embarrassing cry he gave as he immediately started panting, feeling every bit of that eight months of restraint.

What really made Duo fall apart was the way Wufei ran his fingers through his hair. It really wasn't that significant of a gesture, and it certainly didn't remind him of Heero. Duo nuzzled his nose into Wufei and those fingertips trailed down his neck with strands of his hair still tangled around them. It was too much, and if Wufei didn't have a tighter grasp around his low back he would have bolted. Put his clothes on and never looked back. The only benefit to their position was that he could just bury his face into Wufei's shoulder and pretend that he wasn't a sopping mess.

"Duo." Softly Wufei whispered. Mercifully, moving his hands down to the crest of his hips to cease their erratic rocking movement. "We don't have to do this. You're so tense." In what should have been comforting, Wufei stroked his spine gentle enough to leave goosebumps behind the tips of his fingers, instead it only made him tense more.

"No, I don't want to stop." It wasn't a lie. Duo just wanted it to not be so tender and familiar. He probably shouldn't have decided to get into bed with someone he knew, and certainly not someone whom he had so much history. Wufei pulled out of him carefully balancing him as he laid Duo down onto the bed. He went easily and Wufei tried not to notice the back of Duo's hand that wiped at his face. He rolled Duo to his side and his loose hair fanned out below him across the red pillowcase.

"Is this okay?" The warm brush of skin against Duo's reminded him where he was. Wufei had crawled in behind him as the big spoon. Calloused hands ran in tandem over his chest with enough pressure that he could breath again.

"Yes." Duo, hissed leaning his head back onto Wufei's shoulder, he drew him in closer with a hand to his thigh. "You don't have to be gentle." But, Wufei was and pressing into Duo didn't take as much force with a more shallow angle from behind. Duo's arm craned back to wrap his fingers around Wufei's neck to pull him in close enough to pant into his mouth. Wet lips meeting together in a sloppy kiss over his shoulder. Wufei's fingers loosely trailed his neck and the ghosting pressure had Duo biting Wufei's lip. "Don't hold back." Reaching behind him, Duo's fingers tangled in Wufei's ponytail begging for more. This was a new position for him. The shallow thrusts Wufei was giving him we're making his toes curl. The tears flowed again when the ache fluttered into into his abdomen. "Please." The word trailed off as short nails raked over Duo's chest and found his navel to circle around.

"Please what?" Mercilessly, Wufei bit into the soft flesh of his earlobe as his words sunk deep into him. The intensity boiling over. He no longer cared about embarrassing himself. The cock inside of him was enough to burn away the demons.

"Fuck. Me." Two distinct thoughts. Independent of one another.

When Duo came it was in waves and his body tensed and gave like ocean water crashing on wet sand. Wufei held him and rode the crescendo of his body until he was climaxing deep inside of him. The sensitivity of his insides made the sensation of Wufei's pulsing cock nearly unbearable. His fists clutched to the sheets for relief, and then there was just nothingness.

Before Wufei could catch his breath, Duo was already conjuring up his hastily planned escape. There was no room for second guessing. It was one thing to fuck your boss, but actually sleeping with your boss was a line he wasn't willing to cross.

Panic set in, as Duo stood up feeling hot semen run down the inside of his thigh. Suddenly, it reminded him of why he usually went the route of using a condom. He was a tragic emotional disaster now. His legs felt like jello and they threatened to give up as he scoured the ground for his discarded jeans clenching his body to try and tide the hot trickle and control a wave of nausea churning his stomach.

Wufei was behind him now, squeezing his biceps in a gesture of comfort. It felt searing and he didn't want to feel weak.

"Please don't leave like this. We can talk about it in the morning."

That sounded like something his therapist would say. Well, if he was fucking his therapist. No, he didn't want to talk but Wufei was guiding his lamenting body back to the bed and forcing him to sit on the edge. All he could do was look at his feet. Pigeon-toed stance with his big toes touching. There was no noise coming from him. The only sound, a light drumming whirr of the fan. Hot wet tears dropped onto the tops of his thighs. He really was pathetic. This is what Wufei had wanted to prove - he was a warrior. That duo was weak and he would submit.

"I can't do this Chang. I can't play nice with you and pretend like this is fucking normal." The edges of Duo's voice was ragged and the pitiful despair manifested into anger. A blind fury more at himself than Wufei.

"None of us are normal. You lost everything Duo. Why are you pretending like nothing touches you?" Wufei's hip pressed against his on the bed. It was really stupid that they were having this conversation completely naked, but he let Wufei pull him in closer, feeling the dig of the pads of his fingers against the sharp angle of his shoulder joint. They really were a mess. Duo could see the remnants of a bullet wound that looked like it must have gone straight through Wufei's femur. It was ragged and probably stitched out in the field by some kid with no medical training nearly a decade ago. Just enough common sense to survive. Duo traced the white scar tissue with his fingers and he accepted it. He leaned down to place his head on the shorter man's shoulder. Wasn't this what he had been working towards with his head doctor? There was this sense of normalcy and a strange comfort in intimacy that he'd rarely accomplished with anyone. Wufei was trailing his fingers through the waves of sweat laced strands of Duo's hair, not deterred by the tangles.

They didn't talk much after that. There was a lot of body language that Wufei had to interpret as exhaustion, since Duo was quiet for the first time. His hair still wet from the shower leaving the pillow damp with his head facing away from Wufei. The soft sounds of Wufei's breath drew closer as the man shifted behind him to wrap an around Duo's waist. It wasn't heavy like Heero's arm was often when he had fallen asleep and carelessly threw an arm around him. It felt more like the quiet intimate moments he and Zechs had shared in the shitty studio apartment he'd been staying at while he was earthside.

"I can hear you thinking. Go to sleep." Grumbling, Wufei pulled him in closer and for now he allowed it, at least until the heaviness of exhaustion took him away.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're supposed to be the one to talk me off the ledge here." Duo crossed his arms in front of his chest as he paced circles into the plush grey rug beneath him.

"Is that why you called me in for a session, so I can tell you I think it's a bad idea?"

Duo hated when Will got that tone with him. The " _what are you really trying to say here?"_ tone. "You're the therapist, why am I always the one that has to figure things out for you?" Will was used to Duo's outbursts by now, and he simply leaned back in his chair laying down the pen he'd been taking notes with.

"Duo, I think you want me to say "no" so you have an excuse to not call this man back. I never said I thought you should refrain from sex. I merely suggested you refrain from using sex as a substitute for actual intimacy." Unfortunately, he knew, Duo liked the world to be broken down into a resolute black and white spectrum. It was ironic, really, for someone who spent most of their life in the gray area. "You and I have discussed that your relationship with Heero was a bandaid for the damages from your past trauma." Finally, Duo settled onto the well used couch with a heavy thud. He held his face in his hands scrubbing until the skin was red around his jawline from the stubble.

"I can't work. I can't sleep. I can't eat. This is a disaster." Duo threw his hands up and slouched on the couch in defeat. He was being a total drama queen, but if he couldn't be irrational in front of WIll who could he?

"Do you think you're having trouble coping because you're feeling guilty about leaving Wufei a note instead of staying when he asked you to?"

Sighing, Duo pondered it. It had been three days since he'd spent the night in Wufei's bed, and he'd avoided the man carefully. He came to work late, closed his office door and made himself sparse for the remainder of the day. It was inevitable, that he'd have to face him. He'd have to face the fact that if he were in Wufei's shoes, he'd fire him. Noin had ignored the fact that he was a giant liability. Almost as much trouble as his worth.

"I fucked up. What if I get fired over this?" Deflection, he knew that was what Will was about to say to him.

"You're deflecting. Tell me how it made you feel?"

Duo chuckled, at his therapist's predictability. He'd been an OZ soldier. It had taken three months for Duo to finally forgive and open up about the multitudes of sexual assault he'd experienced, including when he was captured multiple times by OZ. It wasn't until Will had opened up about his own assault that he'd finally trusted the man.

"You do this every time ya know? 'You're deflecting. Talk about your feelings.'"

"First, you're deflecting again, second maybe you should stop repeating the pattern." Will raised a greying eyebrow at him and tried to hide a small smirk that finally made Duo crack and return with the goofy grin he'd become accustomed to.

"I hate you sometimes doc." It took him a minute to really mull over what he was feeling. There was a lot of shit just piled up inside of him. "I feel guilty that I left without saying anything in the morning, but the reason I did that was because I felt guilty about not missing Heero." That admission had him staring at the carpet between his gently parted knees. His palms began to sweat and he wiped them nervously on his thighs, restraining the urge to bounce his leg.

"Tell me why you didn't miss Heero." Will was guiding him, like he so often did in these situations. Hurdling him towards the truth, because he knew it was inevitable. It wasn't that Duo didn't know the truth underneath his emotions, but that he repressed them and shut everyone around him out.

"I missed Zechs. Wufei reminded me of a time we had breakfast in bed and we didn't leave the bed for two days." In defeat, Duo laid his hands loose on his knees with a heavy exhale.

"I haven't heard that name in awhile. Do you think you're using Wufei to fill the gap that Zechs filled? Or do you think your feelings for Mr. Chang are genuine?"

Scoffing Duo rolled his head back on the couch, slouching down to cross his right ankle over the left defiantly.

"Who says I have feelings for Chang?" Before he could hear that he was "deflecting" one more time he threw up his hands to interrupt the man across from him. "Okay, okay you got it. I was attracted to him and I liked the attention. I guess what I mean is I'm scared that if I let him in he'll betray me. It's a messy situation. He's my damn boss." Protectively he crossed his arms across his waist squeezing until he felt some comfort in the gesture.

"Do you feel like Heero betrayed you? Took away your relationship with Zechs that was making you happy?" It was what they'd been dancing around. He'd pressed Duo to stop putting Heero up on a pedestal just because he was dead. It was common enough when you lost a loved one to forget about all of things they did to hurt you. To harbor guilt if you felt resentment towards them.

"It wasn't his fault. Who knows, it was new with Zechs. We'd only been seeing each other a couple of months before he had to go back to Mars. I loved Heero, and I guess deep down I knew he loved me. Maybe not in the same capacity that I wanted him to, but I've made my peace with that." It was true, but Duo still tightened the grip he had around his waist. Digging his fingers in deeper.

"So why are you keeping yourself from having a relationship with someone who has the capacity to love you the way you deserve to be loved?"

That was the million dollar question, and Duo didn't know the answer.


	5. Chapter 5

There was nothing on his computer to look at, yet he stared blankly back at it waiting for answers. Duo cradled his chin in his open palm and spun a paper clip around the tip of his finger in scratchy little circles against the desk. The door cracked open and his heart dropped down into his guts. He knew it was Wufei. He could see the long fingers peak in around the edge of the door.

"Hey, can you send me your weekly reports and your expenses for this month?" Wufei's gaze was neutral and professional, which wasn't exactly what Duo had expected. He wasn't really sure what he was expecting. Wufei was impossible to read, but he hadn't been pushy or even mildly persuasive with him. The space he'd given him was enough to swallow him whole.

"Yeah, I can." Staring back at him Wufei raised an eyebrow as if he were waiting for Duo to dismiss him. "Do you want to talk to me?" Slowly he annunciated the words as if he wasn't exactly sure what words should follow the previous. The improve making him uncomfortably.

"If you want, unless you would rather just pretend like us having sex never happened." Wufei didn't let his eyebrow relax. He continued to look him over speculatively. There were no glasses to protect Duo from the dark eyes boring back at him. There was a hint of cruelty there, but Duo knew he deserved it for running out and avoiding him like a coward. Wufei wasn't going to make this easy on him.

"You can't pick the bar again. I think I'm still hungover from that piss poor tequila." Duo slouched back in his chair, undiplomatically with his knees spread wide under the arm rests. Keeping his fidgeting manageable he crossed his fingers over his stomach and waited for an eye roll, but he was only awarded with a throaty chuckle and a crooked smile.

"Name the time and place." With that Wufei tossed the words carelessly over his shoulder closing the door behind him.

Of course, as per usual, Duo was not in any uniform or anything particularly professional either. He did notice that Wufei himself, didn't usually wear a uniform, but he was neat and put together as if he weren't pushing thirty and still trying to impersonate an adult. He slunk into his boss' open door leaning into the door frame. It was late and the other offices were dark and abandoned. The contrast made him feel like there was a spotlight on him. In the back of his twisted mind he amused himself that Will would be proud of him for not "deflecting".

"How about late night pizza and beer?" Duo tried not to be insulted that he knew Wufei heard his clunky footsteps and was aware of his presence, but did not bother to look up from whatever he was jotting down from his computer screen. Finally, after a few tense seconds of stale dead air Wufei looked over the bridge of his nose at him like a principal beckoning a troubled child for scolding. "Unless, you're too busy. We can pretend I never asked." His tone came across a little more terse than he had intended, using Wufei's own words against him now. It was petulant and immature and in Will's words - deflecting. The pattern was again, repeating itself. How many ex-pilots did he have to sleep with and push away before he just decided to end everyone's suffering and accept a lifetime of solitude, menthol cigarettes and alcoholism? The nihilist inside of him was ready to arson his way out of the situation.

"Is this a date or a work meeting? Just so we're clear here about where the boundaries are." There was a teasing smile hinting beneath Wufei's stony expression. It had Duo maybe deciding to put his metaphorical lighter back in his pocket.

"I don't know do you go out and have beer and pizza with the rest of your employees, and then end the night feeling them up in the car?" Duo let his lip turn up just at the left corner of his mouth. A little hint of amusement at his clever remark. Only minorly self congratulatory.

"Only a few." Wufei set his pen down giving Duo all of his attention. He couldn't decide which was more nerve wracking, being ignored or having all the focus on him.

Duo wasn't quite sure just yet if he was enjoying the fact that Wufei's humor was wittier than Heero's and colder than Zechs. WIth Heero, he'd have to explain the more subtle nuances to why something was funny, and usually Heero would just brush it off as "a waste of time". Zechs however was a natural entertainer, and it was easy to laugh around him. Perhaps he had just been too generous and genuine with his affection for Duo. He'd never made him work to be loved. It was not a good match for him. If he didn't have to work for it he'd burn it down.

"Well pencil me in." Wufei met his gaze harshly before exhaling and giving up the ghost. He smiled back at him softly.

"Don't fuck around with me Maxwell."

"I thought that was the whole point, Chang." He annunciated the formality watching Wufei carefully and cautiously slip into his heavy wool jacket.

The silent walk to Wufei's car only made Duo more antsy. He could hear the heavy pounding of blood in his ears and the harsh un-rhythmic clacking of their shoes on the cement. It was a cacophony of sounds that would surely make his head explode. The unassuming silver sedan didn't really fit Wufei. It looked like a middle aged soccer dad's car. Just luxurious enough to sit in while you're kids annoyed the fuck out of you and generic enough that it was replaceable when you're reprehensible offspring destroyed it.

"It's a company car." Leaning over the short roof of the vehicle, Wufei had caught his judging eyes making their way over the vehicle with trepidation.

"I was wondering if there was some poor middle management accountant missing his car."

"If I didn't already know you were a lightweight drunk and a reckless driver, I'd say we could take your car."

Duo tallied a mental note to return the jab when he could come up with something much wittier. Immediately distracted by Wufei climbing into the driver's seat undoing the knot at his throat and slipping his fingers between the top buttons to pop open two of them at once. When they'd been naked together, he hadn't taken the time to really appreciate his superior's body. All of it was a mere blur in his mind now. Just flashes of taste and pain and pleasure. He traced the outline of Wufei's lips in his mind, trying to remember if they had even kissed. He could hardly remember, he was sure they had at least spent a moment crushing open mouths together. He could remember the warm breath washing over him. The desire to know, overtook him and he grabbed the back of Wufei's neck before he could start the car. There was a moment of hesitation as he leaned over the stick shift and pulled Wufei the other half of the distance towards him. Their foreheads met and Duo's nose traced the outline of Wufei's testing the feel of it. The kiss was soft and apologetic. More of a meeting of lips than anything deeper. At least Duo would remember the sensation now. He sat back in his seat buckling the seat belt as if nothing had transpired. His palms were sweating against the nylon of the belt, and he clung to it momentarily like a lifeline, as he gazed out at the dull dark garage through the tinted window.

There was no need for Duo to look up from the pizza he was folding in half. He could feel Wufei watching his every move. There was nothing particularly fascinating about his hands wrapping the molten cheese back to its rightful place on top of the crust.

"What?" Without looking up Duo questioned, before taking a bite and occupying himself with something more comforting than thinking about the silence that continued to grow between them. The silence only indicated that Wufei was waiting to share his feelings. Feelings were the last thing he wanted to discuss, but he finally looked up tipping the glass bottle of beer against his lips. If he was cornered, he could at least chug this beer and take the edge off.

"You know I was always jealous of Heero."

Scoffing Duo took another, less desperate, drink from the bottle still pressed to his lips. "Who wasn't jealous of Heero? The guy was practically a god." Wufei looked back at him as if he were purposefully being dense.

"No, I don't mean because of his skills as a soldier." There was a pregnant pause between the finality of Wufei's statement and Duo finally getting where this conversation was heading.

"Why?" It wasn't really the the question Duo knew he should be asking.

"I couldn't compete with Heero, you were in love with him. He was your soulmate and you were his. No one else could have loved him. Not Relena, not anyone." The truth to the statement choked him up and he swallowed heavily to force back the wave of blind feelings and haunting memories. The word soul mate always sounded romantic in his head, but now it just felt like a wire connecting the two of them into a vacuum. A pang of electricity going straight to his heart as Heero's ghost continued to haunt him.

"You know he was less untouchable than me? He was always good to me. He gave me the best of him. Even when he wasn't capable of understanding he was there to listen. Even if he didn't know that I really just wanted comfort, he would stay with me and wait for direction. I was the broken one. I was the one barely hanging on. It wasn't until after he died that I realized that."

"Duo, you're just human like the rest of us. I was twenty-five when I finally admitted I wanted to have sex with men. We all have our demons." Wufei seemed surprisngly candid about his inner-personal struggle.

Duo watched him carefully. Watched him eat pizza and talk with his mouth still full and a little bit of grease staining his bottom lip. It was an image he would have never guessed he'd see on the Chang Wufei. There was a warmth in Duo's belly that he hadn't felt in too long. Desire. Giddy, warm, innocent desire. The desire to be liked, to be asked out. He had never been the type of guy someone would call just to "talk to". He was used to the late night texts with just an address and a winky face. Those were the types of men he'd filled his time with. The kind that didn't mind if you smoked while you slipped back into your stale clothes and left without a word. Watching Wufei lick his lips and wipe his hands on a paper napkin and discard the crumpled paper on the table carelessly made him wonder if this was how you were supposed to do this.  
He wondered if Wufei would lead him down this road until he found someone better, more deserving.

"Tell me about your first time then." With a smirk, Duo took another bite, distracting himself from the self doubt that was drowning his thoughts.

"It wasn't very exciting sex, but it was exciting vanilla sex for me. He was the bartender at the first gay club I'd ever been in. It was fun, being in another man's apartment not taking anything too seriously. I never told him it was my first time, but I'm sure he probably figured it out, but was nice enough to not rag me about it. I kissed him goodbye and we pretended like we would call each other. Should I ask you about your first time?" Wufei watched him so carefully, waiting for his subtle physical cues that it was too tender of a subject.

"That depends." Duo kept himself relaxed, even if it took all of his facial muscles to keep that placid expression on his face. The beer helped. Sitting lightly on top of the grease in his stomach. "The first time it was my choice, was surprisingly not with Heero, but Quat. Don't tell his wife." Duo chuckled to lighten the stern look Wufei was directing back at him.

"Quatre? As in the Quatre Winner?" The smile that appeared on Wufei's face couldn't be helped. Duo could tell he was trying very hard to not picture the actual act of them together.

"Yes, Saudi Arabia's little darling CEO and humanitarian Quatre Winner. It was a one-time thing. He was sad. I was sad. Why not be sad together? It was probably more pity from Quatre's perspective. We never talked about it afterwards. Just went on with our prospective lives. If you're wondering no, I haven't slept with Trowa, just everyone else." There was an impish grin on his lips to show it wasn't a tender subject. Then, he did something that surprised even him. He took Wufei's hand across the table, running his thumb along the bare knuckles. The skin was a little chapped in the soft creases of the joints and he could feel the calluses on the pad's of his own fingers catching at the delicate skin.

Wufei watched the familiar leather jacket ride up Duo's forearms predictably, but he leaned forward to allow Duo more range of motion so he wasn't practically putting all of his weight forward onto the weak table. A piece of his hair drifted over his shoulder. It was obvious that he'd been nervously twisting it around his index finger. It was more curled than the rest of his wavy hair down over the narrow shoulder. Duo had looked almost cherub-like when they were teenagers, now the innocence and roundness in his face had dissipated and he looked like a semi-androgynous rockstar all sharp angles, too loose shirts, too tight jeans and a certain carelessness. He smelled like sandalwood, vanilla and menthol cigarettes. It was almost imbedded in his character.

"What's this about?" Wufei's eyes darted down to the hand stroking his, suspiciously.

"Is this too gay?" Really, Duo didn't care. The warmth felt good especially when the equally rough palm turned up to meet his.

"Not at all."


	6. Chapter 6

The eraser never stood a chance. Well, neither did his pencil. The plastic was mangled. He'd long torn off the plastic clip and the eraser was eviscerated hanging indelicately between his teeth. The pencil was just an innocent victim, really. There was another distraction that had Duo on edge; he was two doors down. It was easy to imagine those perfectly slicked back strands of inky hair falling around his face with exertion. Duo could practically feel the hard edges of the desk painfully digging into his hip as Wufei's body was heavy pinning him down over the desk. In his desires, Wufei would fuck him until he forgot his name. He yearned to feel like a used up whore, devoid of identity and higher purpose..The situation had started out just as he had imagined in his head. In his mind, he convinced himself that it wasn't exactly what Will had asked him to avoid - rough meaningless sex. He waited patiently for Wufei to come back from his meeting sitting wantonly on his desk straddling both of his feet on Wufei's chair. If anyone else had walked in, it would be a difficult situation to dismiss. For the miniscule amount of pride he still had, Duo was lucky it was his boss that opened the door to his own office.

"Duo." It was all Wufei said as he scrambled to close the door hastily. Duo leaned back on the desk opening his legs further. A wordless request.

"Don't you wanna find out if all those rumors about how loud I can be in the office are true." There was something disturbingly predatory in Duo's eyes. It was that Shinigami look. The look that suggested nothing, but destruction. It wasn't lust, which was what disturbed Wufei. The horrified look on Wufei's face had Duo closing his legs, rubbing his knees together until he finally slid off the desk unceremoniously. He went out of his way to not brush shoulders with Wufei as he skulked out of the office with his wounded pride in tow.

Now, he was embarrassed and anxiously chewing on his pencil. At least this tense awkwardness was alleviated only a few hours later, rather than days later, like the typical pattern they had established. Duo's anguish was mercifully ended when a timid knock had him dropping the mangled pencil back to the desk with a dramatic bounce.

"Can we talk?" Those infamous words.

Duo petulantly, pulled a Wufei and retrieved his barely functional pencil and pretended to be noting something of utmost importance as he gestured him to the shitty chair in the corner by his unused filing cabinet. The only thing it was currently doing was holding his succulents.

"It's not that I didn't enjoy you sprawled out across my desk, but that kind of came out of nowhere." It was starting to be habitual. Every triumphant step forward lead to two erratic Duo Maxwell-esque steps back. Wufei scrubbed at his face as he moved the metal frame chair so that he could face Duo. He leaned in close so he only had to speak softly. "I thought we were taking things slow? The last time we had sex you were a mess." The last item, though true, had Duo scowling.

"You didn't seem to mind." Duo bristled. "If that's all, you can go."

"Maxwell you don't have to get prickly on me." Wufei raised a challenging eyebrow at him. "I'm only asking because I'm worried about you. You don't talk to me for days, and then the first thing you want to do is bang in my office? That screams self-destructive and you and I both know it." Drumming his fingers against Duo's desk, Wufei tried to wait patiently for him to engage, but to his dismay, Duo remained silent staring at the post-it note covered in abstract doodles before him. "Duo, what's going on? Talk to me, please." When he tried to reach out to Duo across the desk, he pulled back slouching down into the well-worn desk chair.

"I don't want to talk about it. I have someone I pay to talk to."

The therapist card was losing its weight and Duo knew it. The stern man was very close to throwing the whole damaged charade back in his face. Wasn't that what he secretly wanted - a way out?

"Don't act all rejected, because I didn't give you what you wanted. You knew I wouldn't give it to you, so why not go to someone else?"

"I'm fuckin' bad at this 'fei." Crossing his arms over his narrow chest, Duo mirrored the gesture and crossed his rangy legs. "I knew it was a bad fuckin' idea and I did it anyhow. You know how I feel about executing "bad ideas". You've got me overthinking everything."

"Thinking clearly isn't really your strong suit Duo, but feeling you're pretty damn good at that."

Duo rolled his eyes, but the hint of his crooked grin played across the dimple in his left cheek.

"I'm not sure if I should say 'thank you' or 'go fuck yourself'."

"Probably, 'go fuck yourself' because I'm about to send you back out to Paris with Tucker." With a sheepish grimace, Wufei tried to soften the blow, but Duo only stared back at him as if he'd asked to be decapitated, which was not far off from what Duo wanted to do at the moment. The scariest part about Duo was that unpredictable rage just beneath the surface.

It took all of Duo's remaining energy that he expelled into an overt huff before he let his face relax starting with the furrowed space between his eyebrows. "Fine, but I can't promise I will play nice with him. He's such an ass! You know he told everyone that I tried to fuck him when we were stateside?" Duo held up his hand before the question could become audible. "Before you ask, 'no' I don't hate myself enough to have sex with Tucker. That's a homophobic closet case if I've ever seen one, and I'm just too old to walk that disaster through the ropes." Wufei tried not to laugh, but he chuckled under his breath at Duo's candor. "What?" Duo chuckled in return waiting for an explanation, but Wufei simply shook his head.

World peace continued. Maxwell and Tucker interrupted the transaction of one hundred kilograms of pure cocaine, uncut. Duo had, of course, tested the purity against his gums to Tucker's dismay. He had muttered something about him being a reckless drama queen. It was an old trick, that probably didn't have much merit, but it at least confirmed that they were dealing with the correct substance. How embarrassing it would become if they showed back up with samples of something that most certainly wasn't an illegal substance. It was just the first of many sins Duo had performed in front of Tucker - flossing too loudly, ingesting illegal substances, leaving hair in the shower drain, just to name a few. Now, he was attempting to sleep against the airplane window on his well-loved fleece travel pillow, only moving to push Tucker away when he dozed off onto his shoulder. Finally, he resorted to using his sweatshirt as a barrier between them. Balling it up and shoving it in Tucker's seat to keep his hips and shoulders upright and away from him.

The closer the plane's route got to home, the more nervous and fidgety Duo became. Wufei had been purposely vague about picking him up at the airport knowing full well Duo would have bolted if the plan were definite. Duo enjoyed the finer things on the company's dime - a bloody mary. Carelessly he dumped the entire small bottle of vodka into the cup. There was nothing better than the tingly buzz from the low oxygen and pressurized cabin of a plane. Tucker never awoke. It was rather tempting to leave him there on the plane when they landed, but instead, he shoved him hard until he tipped over before waking and catching himself on the back of the seat in front of him. With a few more vigorous shoves he had Tucker on his feet.

"Come on Chief, let's go home."

"Don't get fresh with me Maxwell," Tucker grumbled.

With a dramatic eye roll, Duo continued to shove him along as a kind looking older gentlemen let them go ahead of him. He nodded a silent 'thank you', before letting his hands meander lower on Tucker's back. Just suggestive enough to make him move his ass along.

High-level government clearance had its perks. Wufei was standing there, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his mouth-wateringly slim tailored slacks. The hand on Tucker's back dropped absently as he shamelessly let his puffy sleep-deprived eyes trail over muscular thighs in the nonpleated grey weave.

"Chang?" Tucker rubbed his eyes as if he were experiencing a mirage. "What did Maxwell do now, are you arresting him?" With a cheeky shove, Tucker sealed his fate. Duo had been uncharacteristically patient with him the entire trip. He'd taken the abuse and complaints, but now after forty-eight sleepless hours, he was done. The tepid mood he'd been coasting on evaporated into a fervent exhaustion.

"Tucker, shut the actual fuck up." Hissing between his bared teeth Duo watched Tucker shrug casually.

"I'm taking Maxwell home. Did you need a ride?" With a suggestive arch of his eyebrow, Wufei watched his employee slink his shrugged shoulders down his back. Tucker's eyes flashed from one to the other, before the light bulb visibly turned on upstairs. Duo chuckled moving in step next to his boss. They both left Tucker stranded with his duffel bag hanging off a shoulder in the middle of the airport.

"Chang Wufei, are you trying to get sent to HR?" Duo was smirking as Wufei's boring company car came into focus in the abandoned parking garage.

Even when Duo began to walk closer, letting their shoulders brush too deliberate to be casual, Wufei kept a professional stance. After all, Duo was about as subtle as a mountain lion, and just about as deadly and skittish. Wufei wanted to make sure Tucker was long gone before he turned and placed his hands on Duo's neck forcing him to lean forward and indulge him in an appropriate 'welcome home' kiss. Duo for maybe the third time in his life was caught off guard. The warmth and passion washed over him softly, almost apologetic. Duo snaked his hand around Wufei's waist, clinging to the warmth under his jacket. He just wanted to feel Wufei's skin skitter under his fingertips. Moving over well-defined muscle trying to adjust and react to an unfamiliar touch. When Wufei pulled away softly, leaving their lips just barely warm, Duo leaned forward following the warmth like a beacon.

"You do really wanna get sent to HR."


	7. Chapter 7

It should have felt normal.

Wufei's body was so warm against him. Like an anxiety blanket. Just enough warmth and weight to keep him calm.

It was the first time he'd even been thankful for the sectional that was Heero's idea. They had friends after all, Heero had insisted. The rare occasions that Heero decided to be domestic were alarming, but reluctantly Duo yielded because he hardly ever got to do something to make the stoic man smile. The couch had been a source of happiness for him that Duo had never felt. The moments they should have shared on the couch were stolen, and now they just reminded him of the malignancy that tore his body apart from the inside out like a parasite. They would never sit and watch a low budget movie on their old television, never eat homemade popcorn and Heero would never fall asleep, relaxed in his arms.

Wufei's chin was tucked to his chest, lolled to the side. His brow relaxed, and his fuller bottom lip hung ever so slightly open. He'd fallen asleep about thirty minutes into the movie with the popcorn still in his lap. Duo had been responsible for finishing most of it and Wufei only stirred a little when he leaned up to move the bowl from Wufei's stomach when Duo realized how much he'd already mindlessly devoured.

Duo took advantage of his position to let his hands admire the firm chest beneath thin cotton. Fully defined pectorals, which he had never developed but always enjoyed on other men. The v-neckline gave him freedom, like an open door, to slip fingers inside without having to commit to anything other than mild exploration. His fingers brushed and hovered over a dusky nipple, waiting for a stir. It broke the trance when Wufei's foggy, sleep-ridden voice reverberated against his hand.

"Oh, shit, sorry I fell asleep. Did I miss the best movie my mortal eyes have ever seen?"

Wufei sat up lazily stretching out his arms with a throaty grunt. He said nothing even as warm fingertips ran across skin as he sat up, escaping from the neckline of his shirt. Wufei raised an eyebrow as he sat beside Duo's bent leg and mulled over the guilty expression playing across Duo's face.

"What? Was I snoring?" Blowing off the tension with a half-hearted joke, Wufei grabbed Duo's right knee hanging off the edge of the couch.

"No." Biting his lip he waited for the teasing that was apparently not going to come. "I was feeling you up a little." Finally, Duo relaxed as he watched Wufei grin back at him amused by his flagrant admission causing the embarrassment.

"I know, I've been awake for the last fifteen minutes." Wufei's own admission had Duo crinkling his nose and flaring his nostrils before rolling his eyes trying to decide how to downplay his embarrassment. "Is **the** Duo Maxwell, embarrassed?"

Wufei crawled back over to him, taking back the space he'd abandoned between Duo's legs. He hooked his hands behind Duo's knees, and immediately Duo disagreed with the arrangement he scowled and pressed his knees together before Wufei could drag him any further forward.

"What are you doing?" Being out of control wasn't something that Duo really enjoyed indulging in, unless it was his staged version of "being out of control". He was wary and distrusting suddenly of Wufei. His eyes darted like a stunned prey animal.

"Am I making you nervous?" Wufe was smirking down at him playfully. There was obvious boyish charm there should have made him melt. Instead his heart was in the pit of his stomach trying to simultaneously escape and explode.

Duo sighed heavily, letting his head melt into the fabric. His unshaven cheek caught on the fabric of the couch as he considered his options methodically. "Would you be mad if I said 'yes'?"

The question seemed honest to Wufei, as Duo's bottom lip popped back out from between his teeth, wet and red.

"Why would I be mad?" Concern furrowed over Wufei's brows as he sat back, and Duo was thankful of the space between them. He let his legs fall limp into the other's lap as a failed attempt at keeping some semblance of intimacy.

"'Cause I was dying for it last week and now that you're offering…" Duo trailed off as he sat up just enough to let Wufei watch him. He didn't want to look vulnerable and protective so he left his legs spread and his pelvis tilted as he slouched into the oversized arm of the couch. The supple fabric almost felt good enough to burrow into.

"Come here." Wufei lifted the leg he had braced against his opposite thigh. and made room for Duo between his legs.

"I don't need you to hold me and kiss it better." With a firm cross of his arms, Duo rolled his eyes at the plastered ceiling.

"Oh, I beg to differ."

Beckoned by a curl of Wufei's finger, Duo curled his sprawling form over to crawl towards him on his hands. It was vaguely flirtatious, but there was a questioning, self-doubt in Duo's eyes. He lay on his stomach, grasping the soft fleece fabric of Wufei's pants. The warm fabric was comforting as he nuzzled his face into the groin between his grasping hands. Reluctantly, Duo let warm fingers tip his chin to meet the warmth of Wufei's gaze.

It wasn't fair, Duo thought. He was too damaged for this. It shouldn't have to be this hard. It shouldn't ache to be pushed. He hated not being in complete control. Duo did what he wanted careless about the inevitable consequences and Wufei was demanding submission. Submission that Duo wasn't sure he was willing to extend to him.

"Let me focus on you." The soft words whispered down at him made Duo shiver. It was almost enough to forget all the other unabating wave of internal chatter.

"What if I don't want that?" Duo was hesitant. He ran his fingers under Wufei's jaw, rubbing his thumbs against where freshly shaved skin and the very beginnings of a beard started. He could smell his aftershave this close. It was heady and intoxicating as he climbed into Wufei's lap, spreading his legs wide. He wanted the warmth and sensation to devour him until he didn't recognize himself anymore.

"Don't you want my hands on you, in you?" The hands in question made their journey up Duo's spine as if they were counting each vertebra, making a notation of their shape and placement. "Tell me what you need, not what you want."

"I just need you to not look at me like that."

It was a fragile request.

That little tangle of fingertips in the back of Wufei's hair, just enough of a pull to anchor. Wufei held onto him like he was delicate, but desperate to keep him close. Keep the connection. An infinite loop of anxiety and desperation. Gentle or reverent weren't words in Duo's general vocabulary, but that perfectly described the hands cradling his face as he pressed his lips to his chin. He avoided Wufei's mouth teasingly without purpose.

"Put your fingers inside me." It wasn't a dark, hazy, all-consuming vacancy that filled Duo's eyes, it was honest and demanding as he slipped out of his sweatpants, stepping out of them cautiously as they pooled on the carpet. Duo's eyes darted away momentarily, before Wufei's fingers grazed his back, drawing him back in with a touch. He grabbed the hand that had been tracing down his spine and sucked Wufei's index and middle finger into his mouth. Showing just how wicked he could be with the heat of his mouth alone.

Wufei pulled him in close, nudging Duo's legs wide apart by spreading his own. A soft gasp escaped his lips as Wufei traced the scar behind his ear with his nose, ghosting warm air over the exposed skin he could find. Duo was surprisingly quiet in these moments. No creative expletives or dramatic moans, just heavy panting through his nose and shivers as skin brushed skin. When Wufei's hand teased lower, just barely pressing inside of him, Duo was impatient, but he gave in, gave Wufei what he wanted - he kept unwavering eye contact with him as he reached behind to push those teasing fingers to where he wanted them. He exhaled, finally, through his barely open lips into Wufei's face at the relief, as if this was all he had really wanted all along.

"You feel so good." Wufei encouraged. Stroking underneath flimsy cotton until Duo relinquished control. His hand grasping the wrist under him almost painfully, he reluctantly gave Wufei control, moving his hands to squeeze at Wufei's shoulders. Trusting him, even if only minutely, to move inside him freely.

Those almost black eyes were nearly enough to make Duo lose composure, as he found a languid rhythm with Wufei's hand. It wasn't quite intense enough to get him off, but it was intense enough pressure in his ribcage to make him bite back a whimper.

When the pressure left his body, Duo felt numb and void, disconnected from himself. He let his hands fall bonelessly to the side and relaxed back on Wufei's lap. He pressed his face into the firm shoulder that braced the arm moving to hold him close.

It wasn't until his mind started wandering that he realized how ridiculous it was that he was only wearing his t-shirt on Wufei's lap, rubbing his forehead against the warmth of his shoulder. He smelled like eucalyptus, or something herbal and familiar that he couldn't put his mind to. Duo assumed it was something in his hair product or aftershave, because his shirt smelled warm and clean, like it had been dried outside.

Duo could feel, could hear Wufei's pulse race in his throat.

"I want to take this to bed." The intensity in Duo's eyes wasn't smouldering, it was more deep and all-encompassing and desperate, It left Wufei looking back at him a little lost.

xxx

Wufei let Duo take his hand, let him guide him to the bedroom, let him take off his clothes one garment at a time leaving trails of goosebumps in the wake of gentle grazes of fingertips.

When they were both naked Duo just stared at him and Wufei waited for him to catalogue him curiously. Watched him make note of whatever he could capture in the dark. It surprised Wufei when he turned on the lamp closest to them on the nightstand.

The room wasn't what Wufei had been expecting, but in actuality he didn't know Duo well enough to paint a picture of his intimate space.

There was a shocking void of color. The room was painted a faint warm grey, and the duvet was the same color but darker, mapped with a thick, white grid. The bed was only in a metal frame but it was pressed against a wall of distressed wood that could only be Duo's handiwork.

"It got me through the first six weeks after I buried him." He'd been caught quite obviously eyeing Duo's wall. "Too much shitty day time HGTV."

"It's not what I expected," Wufei admitted softly. He remembered he was naked, and Duo was pulling sheets back ignoring Wufei's curiosity. It was hard for Wufei to imagine the hardened, once-rogue terrorist as a DIY kind of guy on the weekends, and a hardened undercover drug lord 9 to 5. "But, that's what always made me like you, that you're never what anyone expects." Duo turned and smiled softly at him, crawling into bed.

"I'm a quandary." Dismissively, Duo waved off the compliment, snuggling down until he was hidden under the down blanket with only his hand peeking out to cradle his cheek. The heat he'd entered the room with was gone. It was obvious the comfort of familiarity was overcoming him. "You just going to stand there admiring the décor, or are you planning on getting in here?" Duo smirked an invitation, an invitation Wufei couldn't turn down.

The bed was cold and Wufei slipped in closer than he probably should, facing each other so it would be effortless to lean in and whisper.

"You know I…" Duo trailed off momentarily before he broke eye contact to prop himself up on an elbow. "I guess I always wondered about you too." Duo stumbled through a thought, but Wufei propped himself onto an open palm to listen, lap up whatever Duo wanted to give him. "I wondered what was behind all of the discipline, and the honor, and the warrior. When you got the gig, I have to admit the idea of you terrified me." The blankets shifted and rippled, dropping down from Duo's shoulder as he shrugged, biting his lower lip. His teeth caught on the dry skin there and obsessed over it. "Hell, you terrified me when we were kids."

That admission had Wufei flopping back on his back laughing, pressing the callused heel of his hand into his amused expression. "You're telling me you're afraid of me? Duo how many times have you almost died? How many explosions have ruptured your eardrums, how many bullet wounds have you sutured in the field after digging the shrapnel out of the wound with your bare hands?" Duo was the scrappiest of them. Maybe not the guy who had gravity on his side, but his will to survive got them all off of death's doorstep more times than he knew of. He never took pain meds and he certainly never trusted medical professionals to fix him up.

Duo was suddenly over him. His loose hair tickled across his chest, as his fingers traced random intricate concentric circles across his skin.

"Can you blame me? There's barely any scars on your skin. All that shit from the war that's not bravery that's survival. Plain and simple. I ain't got nothing to offer you 'Fei just baggage and skin that's been torn apart. I'm sure I'm rottin' away from the inside out ." Duo's eyes remained fixed, but his hand stilled and he leaned his weight on top of Wufei stiffly.

It was true. Wufei was sure that the scars that covered Duo's body were shocking. Especially to lovers who hadn't known the terror they'd endured. In fact, as far as torture went down Wufei had gotten off easy. He'd read Duo's medical history and it was an assorted collection of unset broken bones, and scar tissue from an apparent spleen rupture that should have caused enough internal bleeding for Duo to be dead. There were clean scars scattered from minor wounds, but most of them ragged and poorly healed. Cigarette burns on his stomach made even him cringe, but not quite as much as the long thick strip of scar tissue on the inside of his thigh, which according to the doctor's notes was the result of heating up a knife and pressing it into the skin until it blistered like a cheap brand. Wufei pushed him on to his back and Duo watched him with a distant interest. A dull disconnect from his body like he wanted to get the inevitable over with, not what Wufei envisioned when he had been taken to the bedroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" It was Wufei's turn to let the ends of his silky hair tickle across Duo's bare skin as he forced Duo back from the black hole that was sucking in his mood.

"I'm right here."

It wasn't particularly reassuring, but Wufei relinquished the hold he had with his weight pressing down on Duo. There was an unspoken distance between them, but that sharp look in Duo's eyes had Wufei wanting to crush Duo against him. He met his desires halfway and pulled him into his chest placing his hand over the racing organ fluttering in its bone cage.

"Thanks 'Fei." Duo closed his eyes, and Wufei could count the beats slowing and he smoothed the hair under his chin down.


End file.
